


Those who remain

by YouSetTheTone



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, no happy ending, sorry about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 13:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15292158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouSetTheTone/pseuds/YouSetTheTone
Summary: She wants to believe it’s a nightmare and that she’s going to wake up, warm in their bed, her wife in her arms.





	Those who remain

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest I don't know how to explain this. I never read character death because why would I do that to myself but here I am writing one. The idea got stuck in my head and i had to write it and since it's written i might as well post it too (although i'm not entirely satisfied with it). I also wanted to try a different style of writing to practice.
> 
> To those who will see the warning and still read this, I'm sorry.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @youwritethetone
> 
> (side note: i'm never writing major character death again)

Alex tells her and everything around her fades. Her ears ring and her vision blurs. The only thing she’s really aware of is her heart thumping loudly in her chest.

She wants to believe it’s a nightmare and that she’s going to wake up, warm in their bed, her wife in her arms. But she’s not asleep and Alex is standing there with tears in her eyes, probably hating herself for being the one telling Kara how much she has lost again.

The scream that tears down her throat is raw with pain and grief and anger. She barely registers her sister taking a step back before she wrecks the room they’re in. Scorch marks appear on the walls and furniture goes flying.

When there’s nothing left to destroy and she feels her powers flickering, she falls down on her knees, sobs wracking her body. She doesn’t know how long she stays hunched over like this. It could be hours, it could be a few minutes. She’s never been good with time here on Earth anyway. Everything was always going too slow for her.

She hears Alex’s words of comfort but does not react. The door opens and they stop. Someone sniffles and she thinks it’s Winn but he leaves as quickly as he came. Alex’s tentative hand on her shoulder and the words that followed finally bring her back.

“Carter’s here,” she says, and Kara’s heart shatters once more. She has to tell him. She knows it can’t come from anyone but her.

She breathes in and out a few times until she’s calm enough. She gets up, wipes the tears from her cheeks, and straightens her shoulders. She’s as ready as she’ll ever be.

Kara doesn’t look at Alex as she walks out. She’ll break down again if she does. And she can’t break down. She needs to tell Carter.

He’s standing still at the end of the hallway and when he takes one look at her, Kara knows he knows. Carter’s always been brave but she wishes he didn’t have to be. Not for this. Not at 17 years old. He lowers his head and Kara can see his shoulders shake. Once, twice, before he lifts his head up again. He doesn’t look at her though, his attention elsewhere. In his arms, his two years old sister – Cat’s mini me, Kara always joked - is sleeping. He whispers something to her, Kara doesn’t know what. She doesn’t even think about listening.

His eyes meet hers again, and she sees the same pain she’s feeling. She goes to him, finally. It takes her a few seconds before she says it. She needs to say the words and he needs to hear them.

Her voice quivers when she speaks. “I’m sorry, Carter. She…your mom d-died.”

 _“I couldn’t save her”_ is what she wants to add but now’s not the time for her guilt.

He falls into her arms and she hugs them both, as tightly as she’s allowed to. His baby sister trapped between them, he’s clutching at the cape she’s still wearing with one of his hands. It reminds her of another hug that seems like a lifetime ago.

Her daughter wakes up. She doesn’t understand what’s going on, not really, but she’s smart and she recognizes that something’s missing. Hugs like this usually include a fourth person. They’re only three now.

“Mama?” she asks and looks around. When she doesn’t see Cat, she gets agitated, so Kara takes her from Carter’s arms. “Where’s Mama?”

The lump in Kara’s throat thickens.

Rao, Cat’s _dead._

* * *

Her funeral is a quiet affair, Alex has made sure of it. She may have been the Queen of All Media to everyone but she was just Cat or Mom to them.

It’s family and a few friends. Winn, James, Lucy, Lois & Clark. Olivia would have come but you can’t do quiet with the president there.

Katherine Grant doesn’t show up and Kara isn’t surprised. For Cat’s mother, feelings are personal business, something to be hidden and never shown to the world. A sign of weakness.  Kara doesn’t care anyway. She doesn’t want people who didn’t appreciate Cat to be here.

She goes through the motions that day, anchoring herself to the little things. Her daughter wiggling in her arms, Carter’s head on her shoulder, her sister’s hand on her back.

Adam leaves quickly with a promise to visit his siblings. He never quite forgave them – Cat, especially - for their relationship.

It’s funny, she thinks bitterly, that she brought them back together only to be the reason they were torn apart again. Cat always told her she’d known the consequences when she chose to have a relationship with Kara and it wasn’t Kara’s place to feel guilty. Of course, Kara still did.

With more time, Kara thinks Adam would have eventually come to terms with it. But Cat doesn’t have more time anymore. Mother and son are torn apart for good and it’s all Kara’s fault. Cat has three children and Kara will never forgive herself for not being able to save their mother.

She knows no one blames her though. Adam is sincere when he tells her he’s sorry. Carter doesn’t say anything, but he grabs her hand and doesn’t let go. Her little girl gives her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. They don’t resent her but it doesn’t make her feel better.

She still hates herself. It’s simple logic. The easiest way to hurt someone is to hurt someone they care about, someone they love. And Supergirl has always been Cat’s.

She hates having her powers.

The world sees Supergirl as a beacon of hope. She’s the possibility of good and greatness. For her, her powers mean the death of Krypton and years lost in space. It’s destruction and the loss of everyone she loves. On Krypton and eventually on Earth. Her mother didn’t save Kara when she put her into that pod. She sentenced her to a very long lifetime of pain.

Perhaps it’s Alura’s fault.

* * *

Life continues. She’s used to the dull ache in her chest, only now it’s sharper than it ever was.

She goes back to work. Catco’s hers. Well, it’s more complicated that but for now it’s hers. James remains the acting CEO. Cat trusted him and Kara does too.

Her first day back is horrible. Nobody knows how to act around her. Whenever she walks into a room, people fall silent. And the stares are unbearable. They all look at her and expect her to break down. In the end, that’s exactly what she does.

James finds her crying on Cat’s balcony - although Kara has thought of it as theirs for a long time. So much of their history is linked to that balcony. The first confrontation about her being Supergirl, Cat quietly whispering Kara’s name when Kara swore to fix things with Adam, Kara’s apology after being affected by red kryptonite. It is also where they first kissed, where Cat asked her to move in. It’s where they finally agreed on their daughter’s name.

James sits next to her and she cries into his shoulder for all the other moments she’ll never get to share with Cat

Her second day back feel slightly less suffocating as the first.

* * *

She flies again.

“You don’t have to, Kara,” Alex says.

“Kara Danvers might be a widow but the world still needs Supergirl to fly,” she replies.

She knows she doesn’t owe them anything. But she owes it to Cat. She always said Kara couldn’t save everyone and she was right. She couldn’t save her own wife after all. But she won’t stand by and let other people be broken by life like she is.

* * *

Carter stays with her.

Officially, she has no right over him. She was prepared to fight for him but to her surprise his father is the one to suggest that Carter stays with her, as long as they keep the normal schedule. Carter’s turning 18 soon anyway and college is waiting for him.

On his graduation day, there’s an empty chair in the audience. Carter still stands and faces his fears, giving a speech that honors his mother.

He goes to NCU and while he lives in the dorms he often stops by in the evening and comes back every weekend to spend time with his baby sister.

Being a single mom is hard Kara welcomes Carter’s help but she soon realizes she needs a baby sitter, one who can handle a half-kryptonian baby.  So, when Eliza offers to move to National City, Kara accepts.

Their little girl is only now settling back into a routine. Kara’s grateful. She doesn’t know for how much longer she could have handled telling her daughter every night that her Mama isn’t coming back.

She was, quite obviously, a surprise baby. The result of a Kryptonian biological trait  that allowed Kara to have a baby that would be biologically both hers and Cat’s. They had never discussed children. She assumed Cat didn’t want any more and Kara was quite happy with the life they had. When she started having trouble controlling her powers for no apparent reason, Alex ran some tests. The results were unexpected but not unwelcomed.

Kara loves their daughter but the idea that she would have to do this without Cat never crossed her mind. Cat wasn’t supposed to die. Not yet.

It isn’t a secret that Kara is going to outlive the people she loves but she has tried so hard to push that thought to the back of her mind. Cat didn’t die of old age but it still reminds Kara of the fact that she’s going to live longer than everyone she knows.

Eliza, Alex, Winn, James, Carter, she’ll see them all die. Maybe even her daughter…they don’t know yet how half-kryptonian, half-human age.

She lost a home and she’ll lose the other one she found. It eats at her, every day, but she tries her best to ignore the empty feeling it creates in her chest.

Until one day Alex almost dies too and the knowledge that she will survive gets too much.

That night, once her daughter and Alex are asleep – she’s staying overnight because Kara asked her too – Kara flies east.

It’s already 9am in Paris but Diana isn’t at work yet. They met through Clark when an enemy much bigger than her and her cousin combined could handle threatened National City.

Kara can’t talk to Clark. He doesn’t know loss the way she does. Sure, Krypton was his planet too but Earth is the only home he remembers. She doesn’t want to burden him with her thoughts.

There’s J’onn but he’s too close to her. She fears he’ll only try to comfort her. Kara doesn’t want comfort, she wants answers

Diana is the only other person she knows who will live through many more years. Kara also knows she will understand. She’s been told the story of a German aircraft exploding in the skies and Diana watching helplessly from the ground.

She knocks on the door and hopes Diana has the answers she’s seeking.

Diana doesn’t seem surprised to see her and she moves aside to let Kara in.

“How do you do it?” she asks. “How do you live through the constant grief that comes with knowing that at the end you’ll be the only one left?”

Diana motions for her to sit down. She looks like she is miles away for a second, before she refocuses her attention back on Kara, who can takt pretty good guess what – or rather who – she was thinking aboutL

“If you decide to stay, to live, and to love, those memories will always stay with you. When everyone else is gone and those memories are all that you have left, you’ll find that it’s better than to have nothing,” She pauses, her eyes filling with sadness. “If you isolate yourself, it will not make the pain will go away. It will only make you lonely. And when the time comes, you will hate yourself for not being there when they die.”

* * *

Kara never really got the answers she was hoping for. She does see now that she has no choice anyway because she would never leave. On some days, when the grief takes over everything else, she almost wants to. But then she looks into her daughter’s eyes, so much like Cat’s, and she knows she would never do it.

She could never leave her child.

And the memories Diana talked about, Kara learns how to make them enough.

 

 


End file.
